Good life.

This song has been my ANTHEM today! I have had such a good day!

Today, as many of you know, is Eid al-Fitr, or the end of Ramadan. It's a big celebration amongst my group of friends. Even though I'm not Muslim, I love celebrating holidays with my Muslim friends. It sucks that I couldn't be there today to go to the masjid with them, but I could feel their joy from 300 miles away.

The only downer to today was pathophysiology. We started almost an hour late, but we got out early and our test was pushed back a week. I also am starting to make more friends out here! Got a weekend of fun and family time coming up, too. Life's looking pretty good.

I didn't think I'd be this happy here, but considering everything that's happened, I'm doing pretty damn good. Even through all of the dark times, I've realigned myself (with the help of friends, of course) and I feel like I'm on a good track.

I should probably go get on my homework. Gotta keep on top of things now that we're in the full swing of things.

This is me, and I'm just alive.

The first ten floors.

I've definitely been jamming to "Skyscraper" by Demi Lovato lately, and I feel like I've built my foundation and the first ten floors of my skyscraper in the past few days. I've planned out most of my semester on a giant paper calendar, which is really overwhelming to look at at first. However, now that it's all written out, I can space things out more evenly and know how much time I'll have to read or write something before I need it. Three cheers for organization!

I read a few days ago that karma is a bitch. Yeah, karma IS a bitch! Some people are about to get their worlds turned 180 degrees. The best part is, I don't have to do a damn thing. I just get to sit back and watch the lies and deceit unravel.

So, to my dear blog readers, I leave you with this. Make sure you get your facts straight before you open your mouth, be careful about who you get photographed with (trust me, it WILL end up on Facebook!), and remember, what goes around, comes around.

This is me, and I'm just (SO) alive.

Hypnosis.

I went to a comedy show with some friends last night in Rival City. The comedian was actually a hypnotist! I have never laughed so hard in my entire life! Go check him out! http://www.chuckmilligan.com/

The last two days have been really strange. I don't think I've ever gotten more phone calls in my entire life! I've found out so much stuff, and I can't even begin to say how glad I am that I'm standing on my own two feet today. I've learned some really terrible things, and I can't even get mad over it.

I have recently been accused of cheating and being a whore. Let me make something clear: I never have and will never, EVER cheat on someone, even if I have every right to. I've been cheated on before and would never wish that kind of pain on ANYONE. I hate cheaters. I can't stand them. I will never be one of them. I never ONCE stepped out on my ex in the 14 months that we were dating, and he should know me better than that.

I ended my relationship because I was tired of everything that was going wrong with it. We were not compatible for each other and it was time for it to end. I am trying SO hard to be amicable about this whole thing, but Lord, it's really tough.

To those of you who wish me harm or have ill will toward me: I am not afraid of you. I promise you, I will not fall. I will not be broken down and I swear on a stack of Bibles that you will not see me suffer.

This is me, and I'm just alive.

Chewing pencils and three inch textbooks.

This has possibly been the most stressful week of my life. I'm sleep deprived, overwhelmed, and homesick. Only 6 days and a wake up until I can go home for Labor Day weekend. Thank. God.

I'm 99.9% sure that my clinical will be on the day that I wanted (Tuesday), which is really good. This will leave my Thursdays completely open after these first five weeks are over! It'll be so nice to have a break.

I had to go back to Hometown yesterday to get those retainers. Unfortunately, the company that makes the retainers messed up the bottom one, so I'll have to go back and get the correct one later. My orthodontist said the one I have now will do (it's going to fix two of three teeth that need fixing) so it's no rush to get the new one.

After Hometown, I went to dinner with a friend I've been talking to for a couple of weeks. Afterwards, we went to the local hookah joint for awhile. I had a really good time with him and I hope I get to see him again.

I'm hoping to go to AnyTown University's rival (we'll call it Rival City) tomorrow with some old friends and a new friend that I made over the summer in NewTown. I have an itch to go to a club and I don't think I can wait till Labor Day.

I survived the first week. I am so relieved. This weekend should be pretty easygoing. I hope I can get all my reading done by Sunday!

This is me, and I'm just alive.

The beginning.

Today was soooo stressful! We had orientation today, which means papers, introductions, more papers, signatures, more introductions, and TONS of lectures on how to be successful. We finally figured out how scheduling works, so I feel better knowing when I'm free and when I won't be. We already had a take home test, which I finished about an hour ago. Good Lord.

I'm going to get my corrective retainers on Thursday! Ladies and gentlemen, do NOT live by my example and wear your retainers! If you don't, you wind up like me, needing new retainers that are going to work just like braces. Boooooo!

I don't have class on Tuesdays until 4:30 for the first five weeks. I won't know about my clinical and lab schedules until next week. I'm so glad that they're trying to ease us into this intense program. I don't think I could handle taking all of this work on at once!

My friends are being really supportive today. I'm so excited at how many phone calls, Facebook messages, and text messages I've gotten. I seriously have the best friends in the world. I couldn't do this without them.

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. ~Walter Elliott, The Spiritual Life"

I found this quote on perseverance, and I think it definitely applies to nursing school (or any school in general) because we just take it one semester at a time.

I can do this.

This is me, and I'm just alive.

Green grapes and a Swiffer.

Well, I'm all done unpacking. Mom and Dad left a few hours ago and are now safely back in Hometown. I went and bought a vacuum cleaner and some candles from Wal-Mart. Now this place is starting to feel like home. I Swiffered and vacuumed the entire place (it was pretty dirty from us tracking in and out for three days straight) and I just finished a nice bowl of green grapes on my comfy couch. I also just finished reading my old blogs and am sending huge thank yous to my past self for posting some of the encouragement meant for others going through my same situation.

Nursing school orientation is tomorrow! I'm super excited, but I'm also really nervous. I hope that I make some new friends! I'd love to be able to have company over sometime. Some of my friends have already said that they plan to come to visit. It sucks being so far away, but I'm glad that my friends from the big city and Hometown want to see me!

Tomorrow, I'm going to start what may be the hardest two years of my life, but I've never been more ready than this.

This is me, and I'm just alive.

One day and a wake up.

One day and a wake up until nursing school starts. This is so surreal! NewTown hasn't been so bad now that more students are around. There's still not too much to get into, but there's a couple of towns 1-2 hours outside of NewTown that I can easily go to on the weekends.

I feel like I'm in England while the rest of my friends are in Narnia. Some of my big city friends went out and I couldn't help but tell one of the girls that I wish I could go with them. It's going to take some getting used to. I hope that everyone doesn't forget about me!

Today was soooo busy! Dad came up and brought some more furniture and household items. The 'rents and I went to Target and Sam's Club and got another shelving unit and bought basic pantry supplies in bulk. Mom and I are going to go grocery shopping tomorrow for the rest. We put together the TV stand, coffee table, another bar stool, and fixed the internet so I don't have to use a hard line. I also put together a shelving unit all by myself! I'm so happy that this is coming together so easily!

One day and a wake up. Damn.

This is me, and I'm just alive.

NewTown.

FINALLY I moved in my new apartment! Today was suuuch a long day, but Mom and I are over halfway done with the place. Only two more days until school starts. I'm totally freaking out! Mom and I went with another friend of mine to a welcome back-type dinner at the student center. I don't think I've ever felt more out of place. I have 10 piercings and feathers in my hair, and all the girls I saw didn't have feathers and only two piercings. This is going to be really awkward.

Last night was really fun! B and I went to our old hookah haunt in the big city to go have one last hurrah. Some of my ex's and my mutual friends were there. After awhile, the girl that was having the get together (she was leaving for college as well) came over and told B and me to come sit with her. I told her I wasn't really sure how things were going to be with everyone since me and "him" broke up, but then she said something that really meant a lot to me: "They're your friends, too." I've never had that reassurance before, and it felt really good to hear that.

The downsides of being an ex is that I feel like I'm being spied on all the time now. It's absolutely not fair. I feel like I can't do anything anymore without being talked about behind my back. This move just makes things worse because I'm not around to try to set things right. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. I know it's stupid and most people probably don't give two shits about us breaking up, but I feel like I'm going to be coming back to nothing when I go home to visit, and that scares me.

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I should probably go to bed.

This is me, and I'm just alive.

Rising like a skyscraper.

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” Ron White

I leave for nursing school in four days and a wake up. I'm super excited, but I'm totally freaking out at the same time. I'm excited because I get out of town, but I'm nervous because I just saw some of my syllabi and this semester looks pretty tough.

Boyfriend is now "him" again. We broke up last night, and I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Even though he was a consistent point this summer, I feel like we're both better off not being in a relationship with each other. I'm ready to move to NewTown and start fresh. I feel much better now that I have a group of my own friends that are supporting me!

Dad and I worked at the observatory last night. We had two ISS flyovers, two Iridium flares, and the Perseid meteor shower! Too bad we had a bright full moon. The Perseids would have been really vibrant had it not been out. Maybe next year...

This is me, and I'm just alive.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Growing Through Adversity.

I got this as an e-mail awhile back and thought I'd share it with you.

A man was sleeping one night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled
with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him
to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained
that the man was to Push against the rock with all his might...

So, this the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sunup
to sundown, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface
of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might!

Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that
his whole day had been spent in vain. Since the man was showing
discouragement, the adversary (Satan) decided to enter the picture by
placing thoughts into the weary mind: (He will do it every time)!

'You have been pushing against that rock for a long time and it hasn't
moved.' Thus, he gave the man the impression that the task was impossible
and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened
the man.

Satan said, 'Why kill yourself over this? Just put in your time, giving
just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough.' That's what the
weary man planned to do, but decided to make it a matter of Prayer and to
take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.

'Lord,' he said, 'I have labored long and hard in Your Service, putting
all my strength to do that which You have asked. Yet, after all this
time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter.
What is wrong? Why am I failing?'

The Lord responded compassionately, 'My friend, when I asked you to serve
Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the
rock with all of your strength, which you have done.

Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it.
Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent,
thinking that you have failed..

But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and
muscled, your back shiny and brown; your hands are callused from constant
pressure, your legs have become massive and hard.

Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass
that which you used to have. True, you haven't moved the rock. But your
calling was to be Obedient and to push and to exercise your Faith and
trust in My Wisdom. That you have done. Now I, my friend, will move the rock.'

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect
to decipher what He Wants, when actually what God wants is just simple
obedience and faith in Him.

By all means, exercise the Faith that moves mountains, but know that it
is still God Who moves the Mountains.

When everything seems to go wrong...........................Just P.U.S.H.


When the job gets you down.............................Just P.U.S.H.


When people don't do as you think they should.............Just P.U.S.H.


When your money is 'gone' and the bills are due...........Just P.U.S.H.


When people just don't understand you ......................Just P.U.S.H.


P = Pray
U = Until
S = Something
H = Happens

Pass this on to all your loved ones and friends who may need it; they may
get it just in time. 'Though no one can go back and make a brand new
start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.'

Friends are like quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have
trouble remembering how to fly.

Just Hold ON and P.U.S.H!

Tired.

I am a whole mix of crazy emotions right now. I'm nervous, mad, sad, tired, exhausted, and excited at the same time.

The good:

I got off campus approval for the upcoming school year. I'm going to have my own apartment! I'm really excited, but it's going to mean cutting back on EVERYTHING.

I had a girls night with B last night. It was nice just to sit and watch TV and go to the new hookah joint together. I needed that.

On to the bad:

I feel like the world hates me right now. I've had some of the nastiest arguments with two of the people that I'm closest with. I'm so stressed out about school, money, and this huge move, and this is the last thing that I need.

I'm so freaking tired of being ignored. I'm tired of being blamed for everything. I'm tired of being kept in the dark and finding out things the hard way. I'm pissed that nobody wants to tell me anything and that I look like the bad guy, when I'm really not. I'm sick of being told one thing one second, and the complete opposite the next. One second I'm right, next I'm wrong. One minute, I'm the best thing ever to walk the face of the earth, next I'm the most awful human ever to exist. I'm a nervous wreck and I am so lost. I feel like I'm losing everything over something so stupid.

I just want answers.

This is me, and I'm just (barely) alive.