Yeah, I suck at being a blogger.
But then again, I really only need this when shit hits the fan.
So yeah, shit hit the fan.
I'm not really sure where exactly I went wrong. Pretty much everything sucks now. I'm lost, confused, angry, sad...exhausted. I'm so tired of making these awful mistakes. I'm so pissed off at myself for not listening to my gut.
I had everything. I had it made. I had the PERFECT life going and I just let myself get swooned by some idiot in an Armani shirt and let it all go down the drain. I've made a mistake that is going to alter my life forever.
I'll never be the same.
This is me, and I'm just alive.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Stress r/t...
Inadequate sleep, imbalanced nutrition, and brain overload AEB being a nursing student.
This has been a ridiculous week! School is starting to get really overwhelming and so is work. We've been really short-handed as it is, and it's about to get a lot worse. I'm so ready for a vacation (Colorado, anyone?). I am so scatterbrained that I forgot to take an online exam today! Thank goodness for understanding professors. I have started to realize what it means to truly put oneself on the back burner and pay attention to everything else. I can't wait for summer and no hard classes and no clinical and making moneyyyyy!
Speaking of money, I got my first paycheck today! Yay! I'm totally going shopping for maxi dresses tomorrow (...and kitty litter...hurrah for cat ownership). If only I had enough time to go to the big city and spend some time at home. NewTown is starting to wear on my nerves. I have planned for a trip to Colorado at some (or several) points over the summer. I need to get out of this state!! It's starting to sink its claws into my skin...ickkk.
Right now I'm watching Two and A Half Men and Jake and his friend tried to fly off the roof in shopping carts. I truly hope I never have boys.
I suppose I should go to bed and try to get some sleep. Hopefully my kitty decides to show me some courtesy and sleep through the night as well.
This is me, and I'm just alive.
This has been a ridiculous week! School is starting to get really overwhelming and so is work. We've been really short-handed as it is, and it's about to get a lot worse. I'm so ready for a vacation (Colorado, anyone?). I am so scatterbrained that I forgot to take an online exam today! Thank goodness for understanding professors. I have started to realize what it means to truly put oneself on the back burner and pay attention to everything else. I can't wait for summer and no hard classes and no clinical and making moneyyyyy!
Speaking of money, I got my first paycheck today! Yay! I'm totally going shopping for maxi dresses tomorrow (...and kitty litter...hurrah for cat ownership). If only I had enough time to go to the big city and spend some time at home. NewTown is starting to wear on my nerves. I have planned for a trip to Colorado at some (or several) points over the summer. I need to get out of this state!! It's starting to sink its claws into my skin...ickkk.
Right now I'm watching Two and A Half Men and Jake and his friend tried to fly off the roof in shopping carts. I truly hope I never have boys.
I suppose I should go to bed and try to get some sleep. Hopefully my kitty decides to show me some courtesy and sleep through the night as well.
This is me, and I'm just alive.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
It's been a day or two...more like months!
So so so sorry for not posting in awhile. Life has just been absolutely hectic, yet there hasn't been a whole lot of interesting stuff to write about!
I guess the biggest news from my last post is that I finally took Shahadah! I took it right before Christmas with four of my closest friends present. Life has been challenging since then, but it's been worth it. I feel so much better now that I've fully converted. My family didn't take it too well, unfortunately. My mom is taking it the worst, Dad doesn't talk about it much. Mom seems convinced that I'm going to wind up living in a tent in the deserts of Saudi Arabia, screaming "Allahu Akbar" while slaughtering cows. We'll see how this first year plays out.
I also have a kitten now. She's absolutely adorable and is the love of my life! She plays a lot and loves to walk around my ankles. It's a wonder I haven't fallen yet! She's sleeping peacefully next to me. If only she would sleep through the night...
Nursing school is going really well. I'm almost done with my second semester. I have been sooo busy with school! I got to start my first IV last week and take out staples today. I've been getting a ton of experience this semester. First part started out on the maternity floor. I got to do Labor/Delivery, Postpartum, and NICU. I liked NICU the most. Working with those tiny, resilient kids is amazing work. Right now I'm doing my Med-Surg half of the semester and really enjoying it. I can't wait to visit our wound clinic. That'll help me see what burn unit work involves (to an extent).
I've started a job working at an assisted living facility, which is really rewarding work. My first few days was this past weekend, and I really like it there. I have a few friends that work at the facility as well. It's going to be a better summer than last (inshallah).
I've been back to the big city a few times this semester. Unfortunately gas prices and no job (up until recently) has made it really hard to go and see everyone. Hopefully I'll be around more often. I don't think I'll be able to survive NewTown all summer without going back every once in awhile.
I suppose I should go do my clinical worksheets and get prepared for Hump Day.
This is me, and I'm just alive.
I guess the biggest news from my last post is that I finally took Shahadah! I took it right before Christmas with four of my closest friends present. Life has been challenging since then, but it's been worth it. I feel so much better now that I've fully converted. My family didn't take it too well, unfortunately. My mom is taking it the worst, Dad doesn't talk about it much. Mom seems convinced that I'm going to wind up living in a tent in the deserts of Saudi Arabia, screaming "Allahu Akbar" while slaughtering cows. We'll see how this first year plays out.
I also have a kitten now. She's absolutely adorable and is the love of my life! She plays a lot and loves to walk around my ankles. It's a wonder I haven't fallen yet! She's sleeping peacefully next to me. If only she would sleep through the night...
Nursing school is going really well. I'm almost done with my second semester. I have been sooo busy with school! I got to start my first IV last week and take out staples today. I've been getting a ton of experience this semester. First part started out on the maternity floor. I got to do Labor/Delivery, Postpartum, and NICU. I liked NICU the most. Working with those tiny, resilient kids is amazing work. Right now I'm doing my Med-Surg half of the semester and really enjoying it. I can't wait to visit our wound clinic. That'll help me see what burn unit work involves (to an extent).
I've started a job working at an assisted living facility, which is really rewarding work. My first few days was this past weekend, and I really like it there. I have a few friends that work at the facility as well. It's going to be a better summer than last (inshallah).
I've been back to the big city a few times this semester. Unfortunately gas prices and no job (up until recently) has made it really hard to go and see everyone. Hopefully I'll be around more often. I don't think I'll be able to survive NewTown all summer without going back every once in awhile.
I suppose I should go do my clinical worksheets and get prepared for Hump Day.
This is me, and I'm just alive.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Nine more days!
Nine more days till I get to go hoooooome! I have the worst case of cabin fever.
I had my first palliative care patient last week (palliative care means that we're just relieving the symptoms, not treating the actual disease. It doesn't always mean that the diagnosis is fatal, but in my case, it was). I had a really hard time coming to grips with the fact that my patient was dying and all I could do was give her pain medication and hold her hand while she received plasma replacement therapy. I thought I would have been able to handle that type of situation better, but I guess nobody is ready to see anyone who's dying. I'm sad to say that it's going to get easier to handle these types of cases.
Last Wednesday I made an impromptu trip to go visit my BFFL in his college town (I couldn't stand to be in NewTown one second longer!). We had dinner together and watched the original Karate Kid. Then I went and visited my other friend at his apartment. We cooked kabsah, smoked too much hookah, and watched a movie. I didn't get home till 4 that morning, but it was so worth it! I really enjoyed getting out of town and being with similar company.
Unfortunately, my happiness was short-lived due to a very nasty cold that stuck around from last Thursday until today. I haven't been that sick in a loooong time! I didn't get a lot of homework done, which certainly put me behind. The worst part about being sick was that I had to miss clinical, my favorite day of the week! Thank goodness I'm feeling much better.
My parents are coming in on Saturday to visit for the weekend. I'm kind of excited to see them, but at the same time it's going to take away from my weekend study time. Then after that will be a weekend trip to Iowa with my friend, and after that will be a whole week off for Thanksgiving! I plan to be in the big city every night! I CAN'T WAIT!!
Wise words of the post:
"He who plants thorns must never expect to gather roses." I see this more as a "hold no grudges" type thing. I used to have the worst time letting go of grudges, and have gotten better at it the past few years. I feel that if someone plants thorns, all he will do is step on them and hurt himself. Nothing good comes out of hate and resent, it only hurts you in the end.
This is me, and I'm just alive.
I had my first palliative care patient last week (palliative care means that we're just relieving the symptoms, not treating the actual disease. It doesn't always mean that the diagnosis is fatal, but in my case, it was). I had a really hard time coming to grips with the fact that my patient was dying and all I could do was give her pain medication and hold her hand while she received plasma replacement therapy. I thought I would have been able to handle that type of situation better, but I guess nobody is ready to see anyone who's dying. I'm sad to say that it's going to get easier to handle these types of cases.
Last Wednesday I made an impromptu trip to go visit my BFFL in his college town (I couldn't stand to be in NewTown one second longer!). We had dinner together and watched the original Karate Kid. Then I went and visited my other friend at his apartment. We cooked kabsah, smoked too much hookah, and watched a movie. I didn't get home till 4 that morning, but it was so worth it! I really enjoyed getting out of town and being with similar company.
Unfortunately, my happiness was short-lived due to a very nasty cold that stuck around from last Thursday until today. I haven't been that sick in a loooong time! I didn't get a lot of homework done, which certainly put me behind. The worst part about being sick was that I had to miss clinical, my favorite day of the week! Thank goodness I'm feeling much better.
My parents are coming in on Saturday to visit for the weekend. I'm kind of excited to see them, but at the same time it's going to take away from my weekend study time. Then after that will be a weekend trip to Iowa with my friend, and after that will be a whole week off for Thanksgiving! I plan to be in the big city every night! I CAN'T WAIT!!
Wise words of the post:
"He who plants thorns must never expect to gather roses." I see this more as a "hold no grudges" type thing. I used to have the worst time letting go of grudges, and have gotten better at it the past few years. I feel that if someone plants thorns, all he will do is step on them and hurt himself. Nothing good comes out of hate and resent, it only hurts you in the end.
This is me, and I'm just alive.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Time goes by...
...so freaking fast! I can't believe it's already the end of October. Where has this year gone??
I guess you could tell that I've been super busy with school. Things just keep piling up and it's starting to get really overwhelming. I feel like I'm hanging on to my sanity by my hookah hose. It's definitely been tough, but I'm so close to the end of this semester that I can't quit now!
New guy and I decided to just be friends. We're both super busy (me with school, him with baseball). I was actually really relieved to have that off my plate. I don't think I could handle much more of anything after these past couple of weeks.
I got to visit my best friend of all time a few weeks ago. I haven't seen him since March, so it was really nice to get together and catch up. I finally got to hang out with some Middle Eastern people. I felt right at home!
I went back to AnyTown last weekend for my fraternity initiation. I had soooo much fun reconnecting with all of my brothers and sisters. I came to the realization how alone I feel in NewTown and I did NOT want to leave Anytown! I cried almost the whole way home. I know I don't have much longer till I can move back to the big city, but Spring 2013 seems like an extremely long time right now.
I made some new friends this week, too. I went to my friend's hometown and met all of her crew and they really opened up to me, which was such a huge surprise. I have never felt so accepted since I moved to NewTown. I really hope I get to see them more often. It's really cool to see a group of friends that are as tight knit as my fraternity family is. Good to know there's still a lot of love to give out there =]
I've been feeling homesick lately (if you can't already tell). It's still really hard being here without all my old friends. I try my hardest to keep in contact with them, but sometimes texting just doesn't cut it. I need to get a job so I can go visit more often. I really thought I'd be able to walk away and cut everyone/everything off, but it hasn't been quite that easy.
Wise words of the post:
"He who plants thorns must never expect to gather roses." Don't ever think that getting on people's bad side will get you anywhere. Creating enemies will never do you any good. One might think that having enemies and doing everything you can to live better than them and make sure they know it is the way to go, but it'll only come back to bite you in the butt. There's wayyyy better things you could be using your energy on.
On another note, please please please be careful when partying this weekend. Know your limits, and if someone you know gets sick, DO NOT hesitate to get them some help. You don't want to be attending a funeral because you didn't want a friend to get mad at you for taking them to a hospital. I want all of you reading my next post!
This is me, and I'm just alive.
I guess you could tell that I've been super busy with school. Things just keep piling up and it's starting to get really overwhelming. I feel like I'm hanging on to my sanity by my hookah hose. It's definitely been tough, but I'm so close to the end of this semester that I can't quit now!
New guy and I decided to just be friends. We're both super busy (me with school, him with baseball). I was actually really relieved to have that off my plate. I don't think I could handle much more of anything after these past couple of weeks.
I got to visit my best friend of all time a few weeks ago. I haven't seen him since March, so it was really nice to get together and catch up. I finally got to hang out with some Middle Eastern people. I felt right at home!
I went back to AnyTown last weekend for my fraternity initiation. I had soooo much fun reconnecting with all of my brothers and sisters. I came to the realization how alone I feel in NewTown and I did NOT want to leave Anytown! I cried almost the whole way home. I know I don't have much longer till I can move back to the big city, but Spring 2013 seems like an extremely long time right now.
I made some new friends this week, too. I went to my friend's hometown and met all of her crew and they really opened up to me, which was such a huge surprise. I have never felt so accepted since I moved to NewTown. I really hope I get to see them more often. It's really cool to see a group of friends that are as tight knit as my fraternity family is. Good to know there's still a lot of love to give out there =]
I've been feeling homesick lately (if you can't already tell). It's still really hard being here without all my old friends. I try my hardest to keep in contact with them, but sometimes texting just doesn't cut it. I need to get a job so I can go visit more often. I really thought I'd be able to walk away and cut everyone/everything off, but it hasn't been quite that easy.
Wise words of the post:
"He who plants thorns must never expect to gather roses." Don't ever think that getting on people's bad side will get you anywhere. Creating enemies will never do you any good. One might think that having enemies and doing everything you can to live better than them and make sure they know it is the way to go, but it'll only come back to bite you in the butt. There's wayyyy better things you could be using your energy on.
On another note, please please please be careful when partying this weekend. Know your limits, and if someone you know gets sick, DO NOT hesitate to get them some help. You don't want to be attending a funeral because you didn't want a friend to get mad at you for taking them to a hospital. I want all of you reading my next post!
This is me, and I'm just alive.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Home, sweet home.
FINALLY I got to come home for a weekend! It feels so good to be back among civilization and culture and population! I came home Friday and just hung out with my mom. We went out to Cracker Barrel for dinner and watched TV for the rest of the night. Yesterday I woke up rather late, but I did get a little bit of work done. I got my hair cut and colored in Anytown. It looks so much better! Then I went to the big city to hang out with my friends. L and I went to a brand new hookah bar, then went to the regular joint. My ex popped up, which was kind of awkward at first, but I was so excited to be back in my niche that I forgot he was even there until he left.
L and I smoked hookah for awhile, then the owner played music and got me up to dance, so I danced my skinny butt off! I pulled some friends up with me, and we went for a solid 20 minutes! I was so sweaty and tired after that, but I had so much fun that I didn't really care. It felt so good to dance again! I didn't realize how much I missed it until last night. After a short break, the owner played again and I got to dance with some BEAUTIFUL Sudanese girls and these two really geeky white guys. I thought I was going to die of laughter when a broom handle we were using as a dance prop got handed off to one of the guys. I loved his enthusiasm!
One of my old high school friends showed up while I was on the floor. It was really good to see her for a bit. I got to see soooo many people that I haven't seen for weeks (in one case, several months!). I'm sad that I have to go back to Newtown tomorrow, but I'm working on coming home for Halloween weekend. I already miss everyone terribly, and I haven't even left yet.
Wise words of the post:
"Realize that the world is a school and you are here to learn." So learn, darnit! If something isn't working out for you, then stop doing it! If it isn't working out for someone else, then chances are it isn't going to work for you, either. I'm learning a lot about people that I never thought would be a part of their personality, and I'm also seeing people change because of their (sometimes very recent) past. Some awful and wonderful things have come out of their experiences, some people have risen above it, some don't realize they're about to hit rock bottom. Look around you! You and I have so many teachers and we don't even take advantage of it! So work hard, study hard, and for God's sake, realize that all play and no work is going to get you absolutely nowhere.
This is me, and I'm just alive.
L and I smoked hookah for awhile, then the owner played music and got me up to dance, so I danced my skinny butt off! I pulled some friends up with me, and we went for a solid 20 minutes! I was so sweaty and tired after that, but I had so much fun that I didn't really care. It felt so good to dance again! I didn't realize how much I missed it until last night. After a short break, the owner played again and I got to dance with some BEAUTIFUL Sudanese girls and these two really geeky white guys. I thought I was going to die of laughter when a broom handle we were using as a dance prop got handed off to one of the guys. I loved his enthusiasm!
One of my old high school friends showed up while I was on the floor. It was really good to see her for a bit. I got to see soooo many people that I haven't seen for weeks (in one case, several months!). I'm sad that I have to go back to Newtown tomorrow, but I'm working on coming home for Halloween weekend. I already miss everyone terribly, and I haven't even left yet.
Wise words of the post:
"Realize that the world is a school and you are here to learn." So learn, darnit! If something isn't working out for you, then stop doing it! If it isn't working out for someone else, then chances are it isn't going to work for you, either. I'm learning a lot about people that I never thought would be a part of their personality, and I'm also seeing people change because of their (sometimes very recent) past. Some awful and wonderful things have come out of their experiences, some people have risen above it, some don't realize they're about to hit rock bottom. Look around you! You and I have so many teachers and we don't even take advantage of it! So work hard, study hard, and for God's sake, realize that all play and no work is going to get you absolutely nowhere.
This is me, and I'm just alive.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I woke up because September ended.
I thought it was a clever October title =D
Weeeeellll my exams went really well! I didn't fail any of them, which is awesome! I think I'm starting to get a hold of all this nursing stuff.
Clinicals start in two days!! I'm so excited to go interview my patient tomorrow. It's gonna be great! Having Thursdays off is going to be a great bonus as well. No more 10 hour classes for us!
I've been really unproductive this weekend, but I think I deserve it considering I've lived in the library for the past two weeks. This week is looking to be similar, but I'm starting to get used to it.
New guy and I have been able to hang out a lot this weekend. Friday, we just looked through old photos on my computer. I cooked dinner for him yesterday (thank goodness it turned out well!) and we watched Grey's Anatomy. I had such a good time with him! I am a total believer in the saying "something good comes around when you least expect it."
I read something on Rev Run's twitter the other day. "When the past calls, push the ignore button. It has NOTHING new to say!" I had a bit of a moment the other day where I felt really homesick and wanted everything to go back to the way it used to be, but then I read that advice and realized I am so much better off. I'm moving forward with my life and I'm becoming a better person day by day. I'm still learning to love myself, but it's certainly becoming easier every day when I'm rewarded with good grades and all the amazing new friends I have made throughout this journey in NewTown.
I suppose I should finish cleaning and do some homework. Three exams next week and I haven't studied one bit!
This is me, and I'm just alive.
Weeeeellll my exams went really well! I didn't fail any of them, which is awesome! I think I'm starting to get a hold of all this nursing stuff.
Clinicals start in two days!! I'm so excited to go interview my patient tomorrow. It's gonna be great! Having Thursdays off is going to be a great bonus as well. No more 10 hour classes for us!
I've been really unproductive this weekend, but I think I deserve it considering I've lived in the library for the past two weeks. This week is looking to be similar, but I'm starting to get used to it.
New guy and I have been able to hang out a lot this weekend. Friday, we just looked through old photos on my computer. I cooked dinner for him yesterday (thank goodness it turned out well!) and we watched Grey's Anatomy. I had such a good time with him! I am a total believer in the saying "something good comes around when you least expect it."
I read something on Rev Run's twitter the other day. "When the past calls, push the ignore button. It has NOTHING new to say!" I had a bit of a moment the other day where I felt really homesick and wanted everything to go back to the way it used to be, but then I read that advice and realized I am so much better off. I'm moving forward with my life and I'm becoming a better person day by day. I'm still learning to love myself, but it's certainly becoming easier every day when I'm rewarded with good grades and all the amazing new friends I have made throughout this journey in NewTown.
I suppose I should finish cleaning and do some homework. Three exams next week and I haven't studied one bit!
This is me, and I'm just alive.
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